Finding the Courage to Confront Your Sexual Abuse
The Meaning Behind Discouragement
My grandmother has always said “Don’t get discouraged.” whenever I seem to be spinning my wheels or having a difficult time. Years ago when I got off the phone with her I thought about the word and realized that the meaning was to be without courage (dis-couraged). I was amazed at the significance of it.
Here I was having a minor meltdown and this very significant woman in my life was throwing that same phrase at me again that she always used when she didn’t know what else to say to me. However the fact remained that I was having a hard time being courageous in my life. I felt isolated, angry and felt that my choices were never my own; that whenever I accomplished something the rug was taken from under me. I felt defeated.
A TV Show Takes a Risk
I was reminded of these feeling while I watched an episode of Criminal Minds entitled “Profiler, Profiled”. Criminal Minds is a drama about a group of FBI profilers who psychologically examine the motives of extreme criminal cases. In this particular episode one of the main characters, Derek Morgan, has the roles reversed on him and is being held in his hometown on suspicion of murdering a teenager. His colleagues are trying to get him to talk so that they can find the real killer but he keeps hiding something.
The more they delve into his past to try and help him the angrier he becomes stating that some things should just be left alone and that everyone deserves a certain amount of privacy. His friends know he is innocent but cannot seem to connect the dots. When they find out that one of his mentors, Carl Buford, a local hero who ran a youth center Morgan went to is helping to indict him, they confront Morgan about it. Slowly things start to come together.
A Secret Held Becomes Revealed
The suspense builds as Morgan escapes from police custody and finds a teenage boy who currently attends the same youth center he once did as a teenager. He presents a captivating monologue about how he knows that Carl Buford sexually abused this boy because as he says “It happened to me, too”. It is the first time in his life that he ever told anyone about his abuse. He promises to protect the young man.
An Intense Confrontation Takes Place
In the next scene Morgan shows up at the youth center and confronts Buford, his perpetrator, directly. The man tries to manipulate Morgan into believing that he had a choice in the matter but Morgan perseveres in his truth and is witnessed by both the police and his colleagues. The community “leader” is shown for who he truly is and is taken away in handcuffs. It is an episode I highly recommend you watch.
Finding the Courage to Be Without Compromise
Not all survivors will have the opportunity to confront their perpetrators directly. Just as this fictional depiction demonstrates, many hide the fact that anything ever happened for years, if not their entire life. Finding courage is about coming to terms with the fact that you were sexually abused. That it did happen, that you had no choice, that you are not to blame.
You need to be able to know your fears intimately, for they hold the wisdom to counterbalance the fear directly. Not every fear can be dealt with in one fell swoop but through slow determination you can internally meet your fears and overcome the control they seemingly have over you.
There is help out there. You are not alone. Many are on the same healing path as your self.
What’s Next?
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