Why Learning to Self-Sooth is Imperative for Male Survivors
The Purpose of Self-Soothing
The main reason why you, as a male survivor, benefit from learning how to self sooth is that it gives you options to take care of yourself in any situation. It gives you the ultimate freedom, that of choice. Even though you may make some decisions that have negative impacts, you can learn to re-trace your steps; to notice a method of self-soothing that would have helped you in that circumstance. Read the rest of this entry »
How Male Survivors Can Use the Intelligence of Intuition to Heal
Larry humorously thought of himself as an energetic ninja. His heightened sense of his surroundings kept him on edge but felt second nature. Larry was prepared at any moment for a fight, for someone to say the wrong thing or attack him for no reason. He frequently woke up at night convinced someone was in his house.
Even though he trained in martial arts, he didn’t feel prepared for assault. In fact, he felt uneasy and repeatedly played out fantasies of having to defend himself from brawls even though he had never been in a physical fight. Read the rest of this entry »
Why Male Survivors are Impacted by a State of Isolation
Dan seemed to have a fairly set life: a steady job in sales, various social activities, a loving wife and children but he felt like something was wrong. Even though he was around people or talking with them most of the time he felt hardly any connection to them. He was just going through the motions of being a husband, father, salesman and friend.
Although he cared for others, and they seemingly cared for him, he felt like he was on his own island separated from everyone else.
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Does Having a Secret World Keep You From Healing Sexual Abuse?
Martin’s first experience going to a strip club was his 21st birthday. By the time Martin was 23 he was frequenting several clubs on a weekly basis. He thought this was normal enough behavior until he got involved in his first “real” relationship. He decided to hide this part of his life entirely from his partner.
What was worse was the guilt he felt as he lied about long hours at work, hanging out with friends, or other obligations that didn’t exist. Read the rest of this entry »
Is True Masculinity Possible for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse?
Gary had always felt like he was overly emotional. His wife Judith was the only person with whom he shared his fears and vulnerabilities. In fact, she was the only one who knew about his history of sexual abuse. He didn’t dare show sadness or grief among his male friends for fear of endless mocking. Read the rest of this entry »
Can You Use the Rage that Accompanies Sexual Trauma in a Creative Way?
Male Survivors know rage intimately. Rage can be a resource or a detriment. It can be harnessed with skill or consistently be used as an inappropriate defense mechanism. Some men may bask in it and others may be terrified of the emotion, afraid of how it could negatively manifest. Either way the explosive nature has its roots in the violation. Read the rest of this entry »
Why Men Shame Themselves for Being Sexually Abused
Shame is one of the most prevalent emotions you can undergo when dealing with sexual abuse. You may have the thought that you did something to deserve the abuse and therefore cannot have what you truly want as an adult. This can be an unconscious or conscious motivator in your life. The habits, survival skills and addictions that do not serve you seem inescapable, that you cannot live without them. Read the rest of this entry »